Down but not Out

Hi anyone who reads this ever....

So that 30 Day Challenge thing that I wanted to do, yea that didn't happen.
I thought I would e so good at keeping accountable like I did with my marathon, ut nope.

I am not sure but I think I was burned out.

I did keep my running up a vit and even trained for and  ran a half marathon on July 7th.











and then I felt like, OK I'm done.

I wanted to run my full, check.
I wanted to run a half before I got pregnant, check.

And then life kept happening and what I called a break turned into weeks and I could tell my well being and depression were starting to creep back in.

Once I started realizing this was around the same time as the shooting in Aurora. I think the sadness and darkness of all of that made me start having anxiety again and things have been pretty bad or at least hard for me.

Sooo the past few weeks I have had this struggle and life seems to be handing me a lot of hard things right now.

So I MADE myself get ready to at least go out today and run/walk. My sister in law ended up coming with and we did almost 6 mostly walking, ut it was something and it feels good to be back doing something!

I think with all this anxiety again as well I am self medicating with food. I have been eating horribly!
Almost to the point of making myself sick. I know all the sugar is getting to me as well.

I have gained and lost the same 5 lvs a couple times now vut I want to keep working on it. I am not pregnant yet as far as I know, so I can't just stop.

I know this is way easier said then done, but I really want to try.

I calculated all my miles today and you will see in the side there that my dailymile shows I have run 584 miles this year. I really want to get 1000 and in order to do that I will need to run avout 17 miles a week which seems so doable. So whether I walk, jog, or run them I am going to try.

I would love to sign up for another race but we are pretty strapped right now.

I'll try and keep you posted.

To 1000 miles in 2012!

30 day Challenge Vlog

Back from vacation with a gain/30 Day Challenge

So I got back from vacation on Saturday...

Let me just be honest and say that I ate like I was on vacation.

I didn't necessarily feel like I over ate, but I did have lots of treats that I normally wouldn't have had.

I exercised about 4 times, including the marathon in the 2 weeks.

The first time I weighed when I got back I was just preparing myself for the worst. Like a 10 lb gain.

When I first stepped on the scale it wasn't as bad as I had prepared for, but it still wasn't good..5 lbs.

However I started drinking lots of water and got back to my eating habits and this morning was back to 170.

I actually stepped on the scale twice because I needed to be sure it wasn't a fluke... luckily it wasn't.

So...I gained 2lbs, that is much better and workable!

I found myself really worrying about it, I think because everything in our life seemed to change while I was on vacation. The biggest being that my husband got promoted (which is really great) except that he commutes an hr and a half now which leaves little time by the time he gets home to eat dinner, get my son to bed, and hope to go work out. That and I have just been really tired since being back as well. 

I really want to keep running, but again, it's finding the time.

BUT, I have to do something. So I am trying to figure out what might work for this next while, a challenge of sorts.

So I am starting a 30 day challenge.

I am starting it today rather than June 1st for 2 reasons. One, I will use the rest of May to be too lenient with myself and two because my parents are coming at the end of June so I want to be at least kinda finished up by then.

I am going to go through these prompts here just to get my mind in the right place as well.

I made a 30 day work out plan and I will do a video every week as well just to keep me accountable!!

I am going to wait to do this Day 1 until the 29th when I do my updates.

On to the next goal....

My Marathon Story 26.2!!

Sorry I have been MIA from the blog. Things have been crazy busy with vacation type buisiness and we haven't been back home for over 6 months so we had a lot of people try and see and catch up with. You know how it goes.

Anyways, I have been wanting to write about my race before I forget about it, and this is the first chance that I have had to do that.

My husband and I made our way down to the Expo which we found with ease. I picked up my packet and bib and we headed to our hotel, which ended up being only 5 minutes from the Expo and finish line. Awesome! It was really nice as well, thanks Priceline.com!

After everything was going so well and smoothly I was able to relax a little more, which was a good thing!

 At about 3:00 we headed to Maggianos (which I had been wanting to try) and we shared the meal for two!

{I had no idea you get to take a portion home with you as well!!!  Talk about carb loading dream!!}

When we got back I layed out all my gear for the next day and pinned on my bib and attached my timing chip to my shoe.

 My husband was very supportive and fell asleep!!

{ha ha}

We were so tired from essentially losing a whole night of sleep on the Thursday we drove out to California so we decided to take a nap. I set my alarm for 7:30 and then I woke up, ate a little more food, watched a little tv and then tried to get back to sleep again by 9:00 pm.

I actually slept really well. I woke up to check the time a couple times, but other than that, slept normal. At around 3 am I woke up, made a cup of coffee and my peanut butter and honey whole wheat bagel, and started getting ready. I had to be there for my shuttle at 4:15 and we planned on leaving at 4:00.

We were one of the first buses that got there so all the porta potties were available!! woo hoo! I went twice before we started. Here is a video when I was just waiting....

My friends John and Joy Richart decided at the last minute to run the race as well and they ran it with me the whole time. John was my youth pastor when I was growing up in high school so I have known them for a long time. It was such a cool experience!

{John and Joy are on either side of me and on the outer sides is Lisa and her son Ryan. Joy has ran nearly 20 marathons I believe, including Boston. This was John's 9th marathon and I am not sure how many Lisa and Ryan had run but they had just gotten back from back to back marathons a week apart in London and Paris!!}

{do I look excited/nervous enough??}

I was so paranoid we would start out too fast and I probably did run the first part faster than I had planned. But it was so nice to have people running with me and to talk to that it all went by so fast. I did feel like I was on a high and talking Joy's ear off!

{so awesome that the major humidity gave me fantastic fro braids!!}

I really felt awesome until about mile 21, and it just hit me...like...this is it!!

I had to start taking walk breaks.

Joy made this video for me during one of our first walks...

My mind seemed to go into a survival type mode. I knew I only had 5 miles left, easy right??

Not so much after 20 I guess.

Joy took some gold fish and asked me if I wanted some, so I took them. My stomach felt sloshy from all the water, gatorade and gu's I had taken. I chewed a few and spit them out because they made me want to vomit, but I actually got a bit down and I think they helped!!

I know for sure I ran the last mile, and every step I really wanted to stop.
John and Joy really helped me along, encouraging me, and telling the cheering people on the sides that this was my first marathon and they would cheer for me, ha ha.

This was us coming up the dreaded point 2.

From this point on everything seemed a little surreal for some reason. Probably because the finish line was nothing like I expected. All the food was gone, no shiny rain coat thing, no massaging people. So I just stood there with my metal, trying to find my family, which I finally did.

They took some pics with and for me too!



It means the WORLD to me for all these people to be there and support me.


I could not have trained at all without these two below who watched my son so I could train many hours!



My amazing sister-in-law, Catalina!! Who was sooooo supportive of me the entire time!
LOVE YOU!!!

and of course, my amazing husband like always!!



I still can't believe I have done it, and I have to say, I am so proud of myself.

{I am going to write more about my feelings surrounding it all later, thank you all of YOU too who have supported me with your love and encouragement as well...it means more than you know!}

Marathon Training Vlog Week 18

My Happy Birthday monthly update:)

Today I was 168.4! 

Woop woop!!

-6.2 since last month!!

 (it was those monster runs I am convinced!!)

Boy it's hard now tapering and it being my birthday week! ha ha...but that week is ending today so its all good, until we go on vacation...ha ha.

My measurements today are....

Hips: 42

Waist; 35

R Thigh: 24

R Bicep: 13

Chest: 37

-3.5" since March

Here are today's pics.

March

April

March

April

March

Marathon Training Vlog Week 17

Weekly Weigh in 4/19/2012 I LOST ALL MY BABY WEIGHT!!

Whoa this new Blogger layout is weird! Oh well, I will get used to it.

So, yesterday I weighed at 169.8!!!! 

{Today I am 170.1, but I know weight fluctuates so I am claiming yesterday's weight!!}

I was THRILLED all day. I had to go look at old pictures to see where I was in life the last time I weighed this much. It was right after we were married! Obviously, because I got pregnant about 4 months after we were married. ha. 

I looked at my old weight loss blog in order to check that. I remember I was around 170 when I started that weight loss blog and took before photos and all, so that is convenient. 

 I am not going to cross it off my goals until it's solidly in the 160's but I was too excited not to claim it today.

I have officially lost ALL MY BABY WEIGHT!!! Yeah yeah yeah! HIGH KICKS!!

I had lost all but 3-4 lbs before when I had done Weight Watchers and before I moved to Colorado and started dealing with depression and gained it all back. I was SOOO close last time, so this is just HUGE to me!

Now, I would LOVE to be 165 by my marathon, but I am not sure about that. I am taking a day off my training today, which I have NEVER done...but I can't seem to kick my sickness and my run on Tuesday was super hard for me. So with this drop in training and how I am supposed to be adding more carbs to my diet and totally resting my body, I am not sure that it's going to happen?

We shall see. My birthday is in 10 days and I wanted to be under 170 by then, so if I don't gain I will have met that goal! Woo hoo!! My birthday happens to also be my 5th month progress update:)

So I still want to get to 140 as my ultimate goal weight and I would love to be that by when we go on our end of summer vacation to Sedona , AZ which is at the end of August. I have decided after I get back from the marathon/California vacation I am going to start other challenges that I am going to video weekly progress on. I think that has really helped me. So I will look into that.

I am soooo nervous about my marathon now. I feel like somehow my mind let down after my 20 miles, like I was done...but I'm NOT! Depending on how I feel I might skip my 12 miles this weekend, but on the other hand I feel like I really want to run it in order to get my confidence back and that I CAN do this.

Will let you know how it goes!!!

Marathon Training Week 16

Weekly Weigh-In & Update: 4/12/2012

Well, I just weighed and the result was....

171.8!!!

Being under 170 is so close I can taste it.

I was not sure I would see a loss this week with Easter being last weekend. I allowed myself a few treats, for sure.

But the last 2 weeks I have added a few more calorie burning into my non-running days (including cleaning more than I normally would, ha ha) and I was hoping that would pay off!

I think I will try and stay as "strict" as possible this weekend after my 20 miles in order to see that 169 on the scale. That would mean losing 2lbs in this next week, but that seems totally doable!!

Marathon Training Week 15

Oh there you are....

So, I am claiming it this morning...

that scale said 172.6....

name it and claim it. ha ha

I hope it's not a weird fluke that read lower than what it is, but after my disappointment yesterday I had to claim it on the blog here today. HA

Weekly Weigh-In & Update: 4/05/2012

Today when I weighed this morning I was 175.1 or something over 175, I forget the exact.

Frustrating for sure, but when I weighed after running I was about 173.6...that's better. At least I know its a lot of the water weight. I still am not going to count any weight loss tho, until it's official and not running loss.

I feel nervous about the weight loss for some reason. I think because I am hungry and I want some treats and I am not tracking. I am trying to be aware still about it, not just eating mindlessly, but still feel weird about it.

I am trying to really focus on hitting my next big goal, which I decided is 165...so 10 lbs. I decided to make sure I am drinking all my water, or at least 64 oz a day. I also decided to try to do things that will help me accumulate more calorie defecit every day and actually DO my cross training days that are on my marathon scheduling, which I haven't. 

On Monday I did reps of lunges, squats, planks, burpees, etc and I STILL hurt from that. I decided maybe I won't work my legs so hard with all the running. Instead I will work on my arms and core and then do a few jumping jacks and stand more than I usually do, just to add a few more kick ups to the loss.

I believe that is why not seeing an obvious loss this week is annoying, I mean adding all that in and for goodness sake I ran 23 miles over the weekend alone, plus 9 on Tuesday...blah. Maybe I will have a loss tomorrow. 

Anyways, I need to track, I know that will help and I am not sure why I am rebelling against it.

My marathon is one month away tomorrow, I can't believe it. I feel awesome about it right now and I am excited, about it and about vacation!!

Until next week....

Marathon Training Update Week 14

Month 4 Update Officially down 25lbs!!

My weight as of this morning was 174.6, which means I am under 175 and that is 25 lbs lost. Yeah!

I was dreading today all day yesterday. It is such a mind game for me. So worried I won't see a loss and feeling super peckish all day too. It is so weird how it effects my whole mood, I really need to work on that or think more about why I allow it to effect me so much. 

So my stats of today are.

Down 3" from last month.

Hips 43

Waist 36

R Thigh 24

R Bicep 13

Chest 38.5

and here are my pics from today. Even braving the sports bra for you all! ahhhhhh!

and here I am with clothes, ha ha

I am not losing as fast as I would like to, and I probably won't be 165 by the marathon...
but I am losing and I will at least be 170 which will still be HUGE for me.

It's still losing, even if it is slow.

Marathon Training Week 13

Weekly Weigh-In & Update: 3/22/2012

Today I am at....

175.2

Yeah I lost 1.5 lbs this week, yeah!!

So let me fill you in with how I am doing, really.

I am still trying, but I am slacking a bit for sure, even though trying to be aware.

I was having a huge craving since about this time last week for a shake that they make at Good Times.

You know the one with peanuts, peanut butter, chocolate and all that.

YEAH, that one.

 

So I made the decision I was going to have one, on Saturday, after my long run, as a treat.

And that night I was so tired my husband just got us dinner from there. Usually NOT such a good thing.

I decided to just have him get me a kids meal. So I had the cheeseburger, the fries, and the shake.

I think this is a good lesson for me, because I can eat these things in moderation...SOMETIMES!

Last week I tracked my calories on Spark People and I think I have decided I  will track them every other week just to keep them in line.

 

There is something I really like about doing this on my own and not on any program, it helps me rely on my brain rather than a system that I am not sure how really works, but I lose weight on it. I feel like learning to know how much I can eat and still lose is empowering.

I am still nervous about when the day comes when I am not running anymore, but again, I can't worry about that until I cross that bridge.

I really want to kick things up for April.

It looks like I am on track to have lost 5 maybe 6 lbs for the month of March, which is great...but I really wanted to be 165 by my marathon. So if I can the full 2lbs every week I should be able to make that especially with my most training happening in these next few weeks. So, I may need to be a little more vigilant and try to add a few more workouts in...if I can keep my eyes open.

 

This training makes me SO tired-slash-STARVING!!!

Will keep you posted...

Marathon Training Week 12

Weekly Weigh-In & Update: 3/15/2012

Morning All!

The scale this morning said....

176.7 

Down 1.3 lbs!

I'll take it.

 

I would love to be losing 2 lbs a week, but I will take what I can get.

I was reading my old weight loss blog and there would be times when I would loose 2.5 lbs a week back to back, that is crazy! I do need to remember tho, that was losing mostly baby weight, so I think that comes off more easily.

Not sure what this weight is, uhhh I think just Ashley weight. Ha ha.

I feel like the deficits I am making in calories, just because of the mass amount of running I am doing, should be causing a little bit more loss? But...it is what it is, and it's still good and I was thinking I might not see it on the scale this morning because my husband and I went out for dinner last night: read: SODIUM and water retention, but it broke through. Yeah!

I am seeing other changes as well, in my mind. Like last night we went to the mall to walk around after dinner and we went by the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. It wasn't the reason we went there and I got 2 pieces of no sugar added chocolate and I only ate one when we got home.

 Before I would not be OK with such a small dessert if we were going to have dessert, or I would have gone to the mall with the whole intent to get something from there.

The other thing that I find in my mind a lot is fear of the future. It's a strange thing, and I need to figure out how to deal with it and think about what I want to do.

The fear is this, sure it's easy to lose weight now...I am running my butt literally OFF. I am burning so many calories, it's just happening. But what happens after the marathon is over? That won't even be 1/2 way through the year. Will I gain it all back, will I lose momentum, will I slide back into my old ways? I really really don't want to, I want this to be a permanent change. I am just fearing it. I need to think of a plan instead of just being afraid. I know I can keep running, but I am not going to continue to ask my sister in law to watch my son all the time like she is now in order to meet my marathon goal. I know being a "marathoner" isn't exactly in the cards for me anytime soon other than this one. Why? Because I have a  two year old and we want to get pregnant again perhaps this summer. 

 

I would ideally really like to meet my goal weight before I try and get pregnant again, I know I am scared of that too. I will have lost all this weight, able to feel confident and better for about 3 months, only to gain it again. I know I don't have to throw caution to the wind like I did last time, but last time was so strange and traumatic for me, it just ALL scares me.

Well, I can't control something that is 6 months away, I can only control today, so I will focus on that...and maybe make that my mantra. Because I can make good choices today, and all those choices, day by day, add up. Right?

 

Any suggestions or thoughts?