Sunday, January 29, 2012

Month 2- Monthly Update





6.5 more lbs lost
3 inches lost this month

What can I say about this month?
Well in two days I will have finished my first month doing the concepts of Pure Weight Loss and also finishing my first month of marathon training!

I am more excited about finishing my first month of training. 
I am going to see how this month goes with the Pure Weight Loss thing and if I don't feel like its working for me any differently I might go back to just counting calories?

We shall see? I know for sure I want to try and keep my fruit and veggie intake HIGH and this is a diet that guarantees that. Also Daniel and I are going to try and get a juicer when we get our tax return money and really try to get our fruits and veggies in that way.

It's so easy to know how bad fast food is for you, but so easy to stop and get it. Especially when you are really hungry and don't have anything planned. That happened to us today, we almost got two different places on our way home but we didn't.

I am sure there will be times when we will, I think I just have to keep in mind that it is the "on occasion" and not 4 times a week like we had been.


I have come across some good blogs recently and I am looking forward to reading and learning from them. One talks a lot about Intuitive Eating and the little I have read on it, it sounds really good. I will do a post about my thoughts on that soon.

2 months down...many more to go!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Weekly Weigh-In & Update: 1/26

This week I am down another half a pound, so 186.

That is fine, I will take it, it is still a step in the right direction, regardless of how small.

The time will pass anyways, so I may as well be taking steps toward my goal rather than being frustrated in any way and giving up.

I feel like I have this fighter spirit in me, that I want to fight this, I want to struggle with it and win, for ONCE!

Any other times I have lost weight, I don't think I ever went through the emotional part, I never made myself recognize and deal with. I just went through the motions, and it worked, but if the reason I overeat and choose the wrong foods are because of the emotional side then I have never really dealt with it in whole.

Take yesterday as an example. I was soooooo tired. This is a huge detriment to me and I know that from the past. It's like my body shuts down because my mind can't find the strength. These past couple days have been the first that I have really felt like, uhhhhhh this is so hard and getting old.

I considered writing here in order to get it out. It was a scheduled "CORE" workout day for my marathon training which I had planned to do Bob Harper's Warrior Yoga (PS all his dvds are $5 right now!). But my hip sockets or the top of my legs were very sore. I am thinking from doing two hard workouts in a row this weekend, like I probably shouldn't have done and I really didn't feel like it.

It was a sunny day and my son has been trapped at home all day for too many days so I decided we would go on a walk. It was a GORGEOUS day! Usually I run around the lake that is in our apartments and I don't get the same points of view as when you walk and take it all in. It was melting and I don't know if the geese were excited to finallyclean their feathers but not joke about 500 of them flew into the lake while we were walking around it. (I hoped they would not poop on us on the way!)

Plus I love when you can start feeling spring in the air, you know where its warm, sunny and beautiful. I know its still January and we have snow due us, even tomorrow..but it was so nice just the same. My son fell asleep on the walk and therefore would NOT take a nap when we got back, which was what I was planning on doing to feel better!

All  I could think about on our way back was how I was tired of salads, I wanted something fast easy and tasted really good. How my run the night before had sucked because it was cold, and I was sore, and I didn't particularly enjoy it. This was my first real attack of, THIS IS DUMB! I couldn't figure out why I was feeling this way but pinned it to the fact that I was really tired.

My hips were still so sore when we got back, so I started to look online about what I could do for it. Mostly I read that they are connected to the back which compensates for lack of a strong core, the very reason I was supposed to be doing my core work out. I REALLY want to be able to finish this marathon and I need a strong body to be able to do that. Plus I thought, maybe doing yoga would stretch out my legs in order to feel better.

At the end of his work out Bob says that sometimes when we are tired and stressed we go to get some chocolate for a little boost, but try a spine gives you a burst of blood to the head. He went on about having energy to finish the day, blah blah blah. As I was laying there in my yoga sweat I thought, yeah right. But when I was finished I felt a MILLION times better. I did have more energy and my hips were warm and not sore. I was really amazed by this.

This week has also been hard as my sister-in-law who usually watches my son for me while I run is out of town so I have been trying to find alternatives. Like today I am considering taking my son in the jogger for my hard 3 miles, ahhh....we shall see?

Sunday is my monthly picuture update and measurements. 

I feel like this month went by pretty quick and although maybe I didn't lose as much this month as my first month, I can tell my inches are different. So I am looking forward to measuring and seeing.

See ya Sunday!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Awesome Peanut butter Fruit and Spinach Smoothie Recipe

Sorry I don't have any great photos for you of this, I will try to take some the next time I make it.

It's very simple and tastes SO good and filling!

In a blender:
1 C ice
1 C spinach
1 C Vanilla Soy Milk
1/2 C coffee
1 Tbs reduced fat chunky peanut butter
1 tbs honey
1 cup blueberries or whole banana


So good and NO, you can't taste the spinach at all!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Wholeness: Mind, Body & Spirit

In this journey that I am on, where I have asked the Lord to AWAKEN me, I have taken to trying to learn bits and pieces here and there. I have started watching the food documentaries on Netflix, the ones I used to avoid. {They just spoke to me like an exclusive club that I wasn't allowed to be in, a reminder of what a failure I was}. Not much has changed but I was/am in a better mental state to be able to watch and listen.

There are so many that speak about such similar things, and they are very interesting. 
{If you want to know a secret I am a bit of conspiracy theory lover so things being "uncovered" are always intriguing to me}

I never understood the point of eating "organic" other than what I saw as people who thought they were better than everyone else and RICH and looked down on the rest of us chemical eaters. I always thought, well we have lived this far on pesticides and the like, so I think we are doing JUST fine.

After watching these documentaries I realize that people 30 and under may have way different health problems then those before us because of the extreme way our food is being treated, thus the reason to consider organics.

More than that, it is the foods we are choosing to eat that are way more available to us then in previous generations and we eat them as much as we should be drinking water!
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One of the first docs I watched was Food Matters, I believe that was the first. They talked about the effects of food on our body. I suddenly made the connection, it made so much sense, why had I never thought about this before. Perhaps it had crossed my mind, but I had never thought about it in this way.

God made our bodies, God made food for us. He made these foods so we could care for our bodies and for them to function well, have energy, even heal when we are sick. I had fallen on the ice a couple weeks ago and scraped up my knee pretty good! It was really bloody and nasty. I didn't feel the need to go to the doctor, because I have fallen many times in my life and I already know it will heal itself. This is what the body does.
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With all the best intentions in the world that our countries have had to produce mass amounts of food to feed us, and the world, as cheap as possible, things have been compromised. Although I do not think that eating fast food and the like is wrong, its not!, I do think that eating it ALL the Why? Because too much of anything isn't good for us. I think we know this in some part of our logical head, but we still choose to eat out way more than is probably good for our bodies. I know I have.

This is the thing, I am going to be 31 is a couple of months. In my humble estimation this is still YOUNG! What do I have to worry about? And I am not that worried about it to be honest, because I don't like to fill my mind with worries about things I certainly can not ever control. But if I continue to eat the way I have been, not only will I be more obese, I will certainly start getting sick. I don't think God ever intended our basic diets to consist of greasy, fatty, foods, as good as they might taste.
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Why is this so separated  in our minds. We know that if we can not stop drinking we are an "alcoholic", we know it will destroy our livers, we know we will probably die earlier than necessary (like my grandfather). We know if we start robbing banks, even as great as that might feel and as rich as it might make us, it is not our money and when we get caught, we will go to jail. There are consequences to our actions, we know this.
Yet with food, if someone questions our habits we take it very personally. I know I do! How dare the proverbial YOU tell me there is something wrong with me?? You don't know me, you don't know my life, you aren't better than me because you are skinny..etc etc etc. But perhaps that comes from a place of hurt, disappointment, and ultimately self hatred. We know in our deep core that this is not the best way for us to be eating, or living.

Many times being over weight accompanies depression. We feel bad about our bodies, so we eat, then we get sad because we are fat and the cycle repeats. We are stuck. But something they pointed out in the movie was that when we eat junk when already struggling with depression we actually feed the depression. The cycle is deadly in my opinion. How eye opening to think about the fact that stuffing my body with some vitamin-C or cashews actually might be as beneficial as an anti-depressant.
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It just made so much sense to me.We can't think we can neglect one part of ourselves and think the rest of us won't be affected, if just doesn't work like that. Just like you can't work out just your abs, or your legs and hope only that part will lose weight. You can not spot reduce, because your body works as a whole component. We have to care for ourselves in every way for us to work properly. If only ever put junk in my body, why should I expect to feel will eventually effect my mind, spirit, and I will feel sick, sluggish, and the spiral downwards becomes a slippery slope.
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This is where the verse about everything is permissible, but everything is beneficial. Just like having a drink is not bad, but being an alcoholic is, the same applies for our eating habits. Not that this will be easy, or that I have this mastered or figured out. But I feel like the Lord is helping me see.

I can get mad that the Lord has limitations that He would like me to abide by, not cheating on my husband, loving him when I don't feel like it, having patience with my son when he is being out of control, controlling my temper with idiots and not punching them in the face, not robbing banks, not eating crap all the time. Some of these things seem ridiculous, of course we wouldn't do those things. But these are the things we could get mad at that we can't do, people get mad they can't do them all the time, or they get mad that there are consequences. How is it that how we eat is any different? We are the ones who choose our diets and yet we don't associate how we feel or our health with how we eat. We just want to run to the doctor for a pill to manage our aches, pains and diseases rather than take a look at what we are putting into our bodies on a daily basis.
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{granted this is not everyone's situation, but its something I need to consider greatly in my habits}

Taking care of ourselves is not being selfish, its being responsible with what we have been given. It's not being prideful when so many people depend on us and need us in their lives. I know its easier, faster, and cheaper to eat fast food and junk...but if we always treated our bodies in other ways only as easy, fast and cheap..wouldn't we be likened to hookers? Since when is easy, fast and cheap the best?

These are all thoughts from a food addict, someone who loves grease, fat, fried! 
Not someone who has never struggled, because I ate 4 pieces of pizza this weekend. 
No, but if I want to be free...I have to learn. 
I have to understand the boundaries God has set up for me,
 even in eating, 
are for my good and protection, not to steal my fun or my right to choose!

Not that we NEVER get to enjoy them, 
but we wouldn't let our kids eat ice cream for every meal,
 why would we treat ourselves any different?
Because we are stressed, tired, etc??
Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. 

I can not spot treat my life. 
I can't want to feel better in my life and not change anything.

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Thursday, January 19, 2012

Weekly Weigh-In and Update 1/19

I was convinced this week I wouldn't see a loss. 
I was vacillating between 188-189 all week, which was kinda annoying considering how very hard I had been trying.
{These are the things that can really get you considering what the point of all the might be}
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BUT this morning I was relieved and excited to see 186.5, finally! Come on body, get in the groove por favor!

So another lb and a half this week! Yeah!

Slowly but surely!!!

Here are some motivating images for you....
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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Thursday Weigh In 1/12

I lost one lb this week.


Kind of annoying, but I will take it.

 Better than the opposite.

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non scale victories:
I actually chose to eat the salad when we went out last night when I wanted the mashed potatoes
I did a hard yoga work out on hulu yesterday, I HEART yoga it works out all your body parts using your own body weight. I am not very into weight training
I feel like my body feels smaller when I touch it

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Anger of Addiction

Let's be honest.
If you have struggled with your weight for a long time like I have, it just makes us angry!
Angry that we couldn't struggle with something else {like ANYTHING else} in a world that defines beauty by being thin.
Angry that we should have to CARE AT ALL.
Angry that it is not easier.
Angry that people don't understand.
Angry that we can't figure out why it's not an issue for some people and IS an issue for us.
Angry that we continually fail.
Angry that other people SUCCEED!

Angry, Angry, Angry.

Let me tell you, I know it was my anger towards all of this that led me to gain 25 lbs last year.

I was mad that at the fact that I felt like I had to "look a certain way" in order to be loved and accepted. I wanted to be loved and accepted for who I was. I wanted to be valued for my heart, not my body. I still do. Nothing has changed about that. Those things should always be greater than my physical appearance. But I don't think this was/is really the issue at all.

I have realized loud and clear that I wasn't angry in general, or at the situation, but I was angry at myself. I was angry that I couldn't just get my crap together, that I couldn't just keep my mouth shut to burgers and fries, I was angry that I was a CONTINUAL failure.
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I think this can be the case with ANY addiction. Feeling trapped by our choices, feeling JUDGED by our choices, and then giving the world the figurative bird and returning to that same addiction we know we are trapped by.

Perhaps this is why they say the first step is to admit you have a problem. The thing with food is, if you have a problem, it's pretty dang obvious. This is what I mean about wanting to struggle with ANYTHING else, you know the things that you can HIDE! But we have most likely seen the pin about "What you eat in secret, you wear in public" and it's true.

This is why I have a hard time with folks leading the way to addiction recovery when they themselves have NO CLUE what it feels like and is like to be addicted.

OK we have all seen the "intervention" shows, and I think any I have ever watched the people that lead them are in fact ex-addicts. They have been there, they know HOW HARD IT IS, they can empathize as well as sympathize with the person they are trying to help.

Often times trainers or nutritionists that you find in the "weight loss world" have never been over weight in their lives, they have no idea how to deal with someone who has an addiction to food. We, the over weight, are scared to talk to them, to go the gym with these intimidating figures with their muscles bulging talking about, PUKE but DON'T STOP! I can do that, sure, but what about the REASONS I turned to food in the first place. THe minute we feel like failures with these people who don't get it, we run away, and we get ANGRY again! Usually we punish them by eating the worst junk we can think of as if to say, "if you can't love me like this then {enter your choice words here}". 

{Maybe this is just more my story then most people's}

This is why I would love to be a part of a gym or nutritional community started by one of the Biggest Loser contestants, they get the pain, the hurt, the reasons and what it means to succeed to be free.

Now, naturally athletic, thin people are not the ENEMY. But it's just hard for someone who has never struggled with the mind games that we play with ourselves to not judge when we can't seem to just FIX IT.
 I know some who think all fat people are lazy, there is no compassion to the internal struggle.

The truth of the matter is that our anger lies inside us and how we talk to ourselves about ourselves. What we believe our worth or capabilities are. We just think we are taking it out on them, but all the while we get bigger, consoling ourselves with our best friend.... food.

 It's always there to make us feel better,
 those other people are only there if they approve of our bodies, our lifestyle.

I have realized how much my mind has WAY more to do with this than any other aspect. I need to constantly keep my mind in check. If you follow me on PINTEREST you know my slight obsession with the fitness pins {sorry for possible overload} but I am literally trying to retrain my brain. 

Instead of
 "I can't do that"
 "I don't belong there"
 "It's impossible" 

I am trying to think
 "I can"
 "Why not me" 
"I am an athlete".

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I am asking the Lord to renew my mind, it has to start there. I have to think on what is true. And although it is true that I have been a quitter in the past, it doesn't mean that I have to be defined by that or that this is how God see's me. Letting Him show me how He see's me. Like when He sent the angel to Gabriel who was HIDING in the baggage room and said "The Lord is with you MIGHTY WARRIOR." Mighty warrior???? He must have thought, "he must be looking for someone else" but God see's us as who He has created us to be, not who we currently might be acting like.

The truth is, we know deep inside we HAVE it in us to succeed and be
 "more than conquerors". 
And maybe this is what makes us most angry of all, we know we are
 "made for more".

I highly recommend the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. 
At first when I read this book, I was still in a really funky place. I wasn't sure I wanted to read it, what it would say, if it would be cheesy, etc. Then I got excited about maybe she would tell me I was made to crave to follow those feelings and eat what you crave. 

It was none of those things, 
but as I read through it {and underlined 90% of it} 
I began to realize and see that my issue is less with anyone else, less with food, and mostly within me. 

If we are always treating the symptoms but never the virus we may feel better for a little while, but we never heal completely. It is only a temporary fix.

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I don't know about you, but I am tired of being angry and mad at a situation that with the help of the Lord, can be changed. 

He came to set me free, and free I intend to be!

Sunday, January 8, 2012


So this weekend I feel like I have "tripped". I don't feel like I have fallen thought, so thats good!

It was my son's birthday party and of course there was cake and pizza, I had both.

I am struggling with my feelings in that I haven't remained "perfect" on my diet and therefore know I won't see a loss as quickly as I want to. But at the end of the day, this is how life will go. My choice to eat cake again tonight is another topic, I know I didn't have to, but I didn't eat properly throughout the day and was hungry.

I write about this because I don't want to only write about the successes, but also the hard times, because I know this journey will be filled with both. 

Earlier I was upset emotionally, I felt mad, misunderstood, etc. I cried a little over the fact that there was a part of me that really wanted to sit down with a HUGE piece of cake, put on a good show, and just silence my feelings. I didn't eat the cake then, but the realization that the food would be a great comforter to numb me was very real and very in my face.

Today at church the pastor talked about feeling the need to beat ourselves up enough that we might beat ourselves into being better, we all know that NEVER works! So I messed up some this weekend, I went "off plan" and in my past I would have labeled myself a failure and given up. NOT this time, I am going to start again tomorrow. Because today ends tonight, and then it is gone FOREVER. All I have is from here on out, and I can choose again.

{on an encouraging side not I ran almost 6 miles on Saturday and it felt A-MA-ZING! Little victories!}

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Friday, January 6, 2012

Encouragement and Inspiration

I have posted this one my other blog a while back, but I needed to share it here.

Ben is pretty popular so sorry if you have already seen this, but I get re-inspired every time! I now listen to this song on my runs, so motivating and heart surging!

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{you may have to watch on youtube but so worth it}

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Weekly Weigh-In and Update

Good Morning!
Today is my son's 2nd birthday!!!
 I told him not to turn 2 but he did anyways:( 
Getting so big, love him so much!
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So this morning the scale said 189, which is still good, even though yesterday it said 187.5, but I will take it.
I always presume that if I see it on the scale, even if doesn't stick around permanently that day, that it will be coming to stay soon, or it wouldn't have made an appearance. Ha ha. 

Thing with eating have been going well. Starting the week off with the cleanse only made me appreciate more when I could eat more than veggies and chicken. You appreciate fruit and dairy after that, ha ha.

As you can see I did not lose any 10 lbs like this drink says you will, but if you ever feel bloated and need to fit into something form fitting that detox works wonders for that.

Running is going well, so far so good. Today is another 3 mile run but faster, so we shall see??
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Nothing too major to report for today, feeling good and stronger and not struggling quite as much in my mind which is really where I want to win the battle.
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How are you guys doing?

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year!

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Happy 2012 friends:)

Last night was nothing to get too excited about, but I did make it till midnight and now I am ooohh so tired. I think a nap might be in order very soon.

Today I have started on the Pure/LA Weight Loss system (again). 
This was the program I lost 20 lbs with back in 2006, it worked so well for me.
I found the plan on ebay and bought it for a whopping 13.50 and I am excited to get going again.

Today consists of a bit of a detox/cleanse type diet. I will do this today and tomorrow. I think it mostly just helps you get rid of your water weight and get a good kick start to the eating program.

Basically you can have unlimited amounts of protein in the form of say chicken or tuna and unlimited salad type vegetables, along with a detox drink. I got that from Walmart (we used it before for this so I knew they had it) its called like the Hollywood Diet or something and its near all the weight loss bars and all that. You mix it with water and sip on it over the 2 days. It says you can lose 10lbs in 2 days, but I don't think that is healthy or the truth, like I said, just a good kick start!

Anyways thought I may as well start that today since we weren't going to any party's and might as well get one day out of the way while we are just relaxing at home!

The other thing is, I have decided to try for a marathon again. It scares me to write this and I don't want very many people to know because I want it to be about proving it to myself and my own inner processes rather than proving or doing it for anyone else. But I thought I can't NOT mention it because it will be taking a lot of my time and thought processes and it would feel awkward not to be able to share that here, where I process this stuff.

I may write more on this later as the subject is vast and complex for me, but to make a long story short for this post, I start tomorrow! I found a great little app for my iphone that works out a training plan that I will follow and my sister-in-law was so encouraging me to run again and has offered to watch my son so I can train! Isn't that great? (we live in the same complex to boot) 
So I see no reason why this shouldn't be an ideal time to shoot for this!

So here goes nothing. 
I don't think its really giving up, if you keep trying. Even if the tries end up being months apart!