I have always believed in the power of your thoughts. I remember times when I thought I was getting sick and I did, and I remember my mom telling me not to think about getting sick and we barely ever did when we kept our minds off of it. I also know people who are extreme germ-a-phopes and they are always thinking about how unclean things are, these people are ALWAYS sick.
I think there is something to be said about where we let our minds rest for sure. I even got into "the Secret" for a minute, and as strange a philosophy as it might be, I do think there is something to be said about the power of our minds resting places. Those things we think on the most many times do come into our lives. We become self-fulfilling prophets sometimes. Whether its assuming no one will like you in a certain situation, so when they ignore you, you can be right. What you might not notice is how cold and off putting you are being, making people nervous to approach you. It's because the outcome is already done and dusted in your mind.
For so long I have struggled with this weight thing. I was trying to control it with diets, will power, strength, etc. But I never considered that my body was not the one that was the problem. My body does not willy nilly go rifling through the cabinets or fridge and eat things, my mind is the one who is telling it to do so. My body doesn't refuse to get off the couch, my mind has all sorts of excuses why it should stay put.
I am not a stupid person, neither are you, most likely;) So why is it that we can be successful in other areas of our lives, enjoy them, thrive in them and yet prone to give up on our bodies as if we have already decided it can't be done. This is an endless cycle. And although we may have endless issues in our lives that may have contributed to our issues with weight we have to stop and take a look at what is actually going on in our minds. What do we let live in there?
This is my new journey. Many of you know that I am coming out of a season of depression if you are coming over from EisyMorgan, and many of you know that I have a relationship with the Lord. I don't think I can make this with out Him and I have been pushing Him away for far too long. The festering disease that I have been letting sit in my mind has been allowed to take up residency there for far too long.
You see, He says that He has come to bring those that sit in darkness into light, to set the captives free, and this includes ME! Thank goodness. I know some things we have to conquor together, we have to walk step by step, and most of all He has to renew my mind.
I have finally come to realize I have an issue, ad addiction, it's name is food. This addiction is no prettier, albeit socially acceptable, than alcoholism or drug addiction. And people with these addictions, they have to go to meetings, they have to have support, they have to take it one day at a time, they can't have a bottle of gin and think they are going to be ok, they know their limitations and their weaknesses. What is it? Isn't the first step admitting you have a problem? Well I do, it's overeating, it's using food to comfort me...not just when I am sad, but when I am stressed out, when I am happy, and most of all when I have no control. Other times its just there, a faithful friend.
I have to win this battle, I do not want to be a victim of my own mind and weakness forever. I don't want to be weak, I want to be strong in the Lord. I want to be who I am.
Today I was struggling, I am not sure why? I have had yummy sweets sitting in my house ever since my Christmas party last weekend and have decided not to eat them. My idea was that I was going to be really strict with myself throughout the week and then be a little more leinient on the weekends. I don't think this was such a great idea...but none-the-less, there it is.
So being an eater of convenience and tired of my light soups I was eating on some mini quiches I made last night for my son and husband, which led to my deep deep need for chocolate. At first all I ate was a Fiber One brownie, which was good, but was not satisfying me like those Reese's Peanut butter cups I knew were sitting in the gift bags on my table. So I went over, while oddly enough trying to peruse Pinterest for some weight loss inspiration and ate them.
You see, my inner rebel doesn't want to have to give up anything. I don't want to be a slave to my eating regimen, I want to be able to enjoy life and sometimes that includes chocolate! But all I could think of was the quote I saw on Pinterest that says something to the effect that for eating one M&M you would have to walk an entire football field to burn it off...
So I laced up my running shoes and took off for a jog around our lake at the apartments we live at. I blasted Chis Tomlin in my ear buds and decided it was a much better sound than my ugly heavy girl jogging breathing! I know it is common for bloggers to choose a word for their new year in regards to what they want to focus on. In the book I have just finished, "Made to Crave", the author tells how every time she wanted to eat something she shouldn't she would ask the Lord to unsettle her. Unsettle was her word, in other words, don't let her settle for what has kept her where she was.
Well, as I was running around that lake I was listening to his song, "Awakening" and I decided that this is what I want my word to be for 2012. Awakening! "For the world you love, awake my soul, awake my soul and sing....Like the rising sun that shines, from the darkness comes a light, I hear your voice and this is my...awakening." As I ran on this warm 63 degree day with the sun shining off the lake and snow around it I had a hard time running, because my soul wants to come out of the darkness. It is tired of being less than what it was created for.
Awakening. That I will be awake for what it is I am hear on earth to do, that I would be awake to the fact that every choice is permissible, but not always beneficial. To the Lord and the great and mighty things He wants to do in and through a near 200lb wife and mom, not be my might, but His. This is my awakening. I am asking Him to renew my mind in all areas,but especially about food. I AM made for more than that. I am the one that makes the choices, because you see, just like the future alcoholic see's drinking as a good time or stress relief, our enemy knows its a luring trap into self destruction and self hatred once something harmless becomes chains for us to drag around and be ashamed of. For me, and my food addiction, I wear my chains and display my life choices on my body. My thoughts of worthlessness and rebellion and giving into my angry addiction to calm my wounded heart have only made me more sad, more stuck, more of the one sitting in the darkness, more captive. Thank goodness Jesus will not leave me there. One food choice at a time, with Him.
I have never been one for New Years resolutions, to be honest, I think it is because I am scared to fail...but this year I want to resolve to let God renew my mind completely, one ugly craving, withdrawl, and lazy battling moment after the other until I am free.
Reading Lysa TerKeurst's book, Made to Crave, has opened my eyes to what God wants me to do with this. I highly recommend reading it and I will write about it more soon.
PS : on my run today, I did over 4 miles without knowing it. Awake my soul!