Monday, December 12, 2011

Ready Set Go...Again

I decided to start a weight loss blog, I have been so inspired by others and although I have tried this before I am going to try again. I want to be held accountable when it comes to all this, to myself most of all.
So this is my journey, and I am going to do it this time.

I realize that people read weight loss blogs in order to be inspired to lose a bunch of weight themselves. I am at the beginning of this journey, but I have to start somewhere.

Today, December 12, I have already lost 5 lbs. That is not much and in order to reach my first real goal I have another 45 to go!

This is what I looked like at that weight about 3.5 years ago....

Basically I know I will have some junk in my trunk, and I am not trying to be a super model. Mostly, I just want to feel good in my own skin. My hips were so small, but I remember not feeling I had reached my goal yet. 

So, one step at a time. I think if I can stay on track I think I can reach my goal by summer...and this is what this blog is here to help me to do!

A couple weeks ago I was dreading weighing myself. I knew I was throwing caution to the wind, I was doing it rather on purpose. We went on a cruise, it was Thanksgiving, I don't want to be loved for eating almonds rather than my own big dessert. It was revenge, and I could feel it taking it's revenge on my body. Nothing fit well, I felt....gross.

So I decided it was time to face the scale. I was already mentally preparing myself for the worst, and it was true. That night I saw the numbers 2-0-0. 200!

It was shocking and yet it wasn't. I had known what I was doing. I had been struggling with depression and food was my best friend. It made me feel better instantly, it was my first thought for escaping my thoughts that life was not worth living. My thoughts were along the lines of...."well if life is not worth living anyways, if no one cares, then this makes me feel better, and I may as well give people a real tangible reason to be repulsed by me." My thoughts were stuck in a toilet bowl swirling around and full of crap!

I am going to write more of my story of weight at a later date...but for now...I am starting, again.

I am trying to look at this differently this time. I have to want it more than I want brownies, peppermint bark, gummy worms and the like that is sitting in my house right now. I have to believe that I am made for more than this. I have to start seeing myself differently. I have to let the Lord renew my mind. I have to see it as an alcoholic sees that liquor. I will have with drawls, it will be hard, but I will kill myself, and hurt my family and be way unhappy if I am not willing to fight my drug of choice. 

So this was me.....
November 29 2011

Here is to changing my mind so my body will follow!

No comments:

Post a Comment